"WHY DON'T I FALL IN LOVE"

14 months before, I started of with a blank slit.
I found myself in the mid of that date.

I'd known this one for one whole year now.
I stood in a white tiled hospital floor, and he was in the bed,  in a half paralysed state.
We've been together for a long time now, and things were like anything but great now.
He was one year ahead of my age, and his beauty even today leaves me in those days.
His skin had creases and I started to shag,  and his face look like he's been drag through 6 weeks of jetlack but that smile.....
Oh!!  That smile was the best thing you could ever had.

For the first few minutes we stared at each other in a quite silence.
So as we started talking,  one of the doctors seeing around walked in . See ,  this is the part that made me worry,  because the thing printed in that paper were scary to someone who wanted to see him recovery.
I walked outside the door, onto this suffocating corridor on the second floor. I walked upto these benches arranged in a line,  my mind preoccupied with thoughts, how he was doing with those needles which slowly pearcing his spine, was he crying, was he fine,  I could never tell.

But those moments I remembered are my last memories of him.
Even in those moments I was greatfull for certain things,  like science,  medicines and the soundproof door,  to muffle the sound of this angel loosing his veins.
I don't know why they call the room,  INTENSIVE CARE,  I think my love blinded me to pretty much ,  as both of us were breathing the same air,  but only one of us was living a sin.
When I went to the ICU to see him whether he was fine,  I could see him lying.
'Are you alright love ?' I asked him , with a petrified stare,  and all he said " I love you lifeline" just lipsycn as the pipe of ventilator pierced inside his throat.
I still tell myself , I didn't did enough to take him away from a living nightmare , that how could he ever love me for my imperfections.

So when someone asks me, " Why didn't I fall in love? "
I give them the reason -
First,  I do fall in love,  is just that the defination to this word is something I've been never able to confirm.  I found good love at bad time.
Or,  maybe i fear that,  love is a paradox,  that it won't be able to bent.
Or,  maybe i fear that the boy i love will inhabitably leave me in the end.

I know I lost him and how much I miss him,  which is why the question of love don't touch my nerve,  yet it recks my entire nervous system . But then i figure that I fear love not possibilities.  I rap myself in insecurities but still admire the purity , what love brings.

I don't know i can't read what is written in faith,  but if love is anything I have had to take,  then I think I prefer to wait,  love will come one day and then I will take.